


Forever Ago

by genneel



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Coda, Episode: s04e17 Demonology, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 16:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5792221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genneel/pseuds/genneel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sometimes things happen, and I don’t think that we ever come back from them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever Ago

The snow fell silently, white flakes wetting Emily’s hair as they landed and melted. It was cold, but she couldn’t feel it; or anything at all, really. She just stared up at the church that stood before her, contemplating whether or not she should enter. Religion had never been kind to Emily. She'd been a pregnant teenager, ostracized by her community because of that and her subsequent abortion. She wanted to believe that God was more considerate than bigots, but she wasn’t even certain of his existence. After this case, she wasn’t sure of anything anymore - it'd brought too much up from her bleak past.

It turns out that you can’t drown your demons after all.

“Sorry, ma'am, but are you okay?” a voice sounded from beside Emily. She turned to face the source - a woman of strong stature, despite her small size.

Emily pondered her question for a moment before responding. _Was_ she okay?

“Sometimes things happen," she started, "and I don’t think that we ever come back from them." Emily knew how cryptic she sounded, but it was the truth. She'd spent her entire life pushing her feelings aside in favor of helping other people deal with theirs, and by doing that, she was making her own problems worse for her. She always told people that she compartmentalized better than others, when really, she was just avoiding her issues altogether. In all honesty, Emily couldn’t recall a single time when she’d taken the time to allow herself to cope with the things that she’d seen and experienced in her life. Even after the Doyle case, Emily just went back to work like nothing happened, like she hadn’t developed an intimate relationship with a literal terrorist in order to gather intel, like she hadn’t betrayed her morals for the sake of the job that often terrified her. She refused to let herself feel and deal, fearing that she’d break down and never recover.

“So you’re looking for solace somewhere,” the woman deduced, her brows furrowed.

“You could say that,” Emily replied bitterly, eyes focusing on the church once more. “If God’s so ever-loving and powerful, then why’s there so much horror in the world? The things that I see everyday - it’s enough to drive _anyone_  mad.”

“I don’t know,” the other woman responded. “You seem to be holding onto your sanity well enough," she half-joked before sighing. 

“I think that there are horrible things that we _all_ have to deal with. As shitty as some of us have it, we just have to survive. The pain’s worth it in the end - at least, that’s what I’ve been told,” she continued. “Truthfully, I don’t know if there’s a point to life or if anything comes from being a good person after it’s over. I think that we have to be advocates for ourselves - we have to push to be happy, because we control our own destinies. Regarding religion; I don’t know if there’s a God. No one does. I know that bad things _do_ happen, though, and we can either drown in our sorrows or we can move forward and live our lives."

Emily turned to face the woman, who was now gazing thoughtfully at the church. She was beautiful, but in a pained way. She had puppy-dog brown eyes and tanned skin that looked almost gaunt in the harsh orange streetlight. Her lips were pursed as if she was reliving her own painful past.

“I’m Emily,” she introduced herself.

“Elle,” the woman said, eyes moving to look at Emily again. “Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you’ll figure it out.”

Emily wasn’t so sure, but her mouth morphed into a small smile anyway.

“Thank you."


End file.
